I have been spending far too much time getting entrenched deeper and deeper into the blogging community. I say this because I read something on someone's blog today that jogged a thought in mind and while I remember the thought I can't for the life of me remember who said it.
But I digress, the thought was that students in the care of my ministry will remember far more of what I do than what I say. This is not a new concept to me I teach all of the adult leaders who work in our ministry that very thing. But somehow it has eluded me in practical application. I stopped today to think about what it is my students learn when they watch me. It was horrific but it was noticably disturbing in one aspect. I don't ever stop. My schedule runs at a break-neck pace. It seems like Gail and I only slow down when one of us is on the verge of losing it. I actually started the semester trying to actively address the issue. I devoted two hours on wednesday afternoons to be being still, to trying to listen, no agenda other than just being. But as the semester cranked up, those two hours on Wednesday got pushed to the bottom of the priority list. I need them back. I want them back. I want my students, anyone who sees what I do on a regular basis, for that matter, to say Tom taught me that it is good to slow down and be still. Tom taught me to "Be Still and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10

Being a youth pastor in a seeker sensitive/targeted church I am extremely senstive to the anti-seeker church vibe of the emerging church crowd. FeedDemon grabbed a post from Andrew Jones today about Willow Creek and postmodern worship which was definitely challenging and thought provoking. Here was my comment to Andrew:

If I had read this post even 9 months ago, I would have gone off on a rant about a bunch of pseudo-intellecual artsy-fartsy elitists. I have, read, learned, studied and grown alot in that time and am grateful Andrew, for your balanced discussion of the mega vs emerging thing. While the whole emergerging concept is still a very new way of thinking to me discussions like this one continues to open my eyes. On the question of snobbery, I believe it boils down to this: Do people connect with God and with others,do they grow closer to God and others in both the emerging and mega context? Yes, of course they do! To claim otherwise from either side of the discussion would indeed put one at risk of being labeled a snob.

I am hooked. I want to know more. What would a church look like that was a little seeker and little emergent?

By definition I suppose it is not possible for a church to be an emerging seeker church. Is it be possible for a church to be senstive to those who have never darkened the door of church or who have been hurt by organized religion and challenge those people intellecually and creatively? Would it be possible to breathe new life into liturgy such that it was attractive and meant something to churched and unchurched alike? Might be fun to try.

This will be quick but I didn't want to forget it. There has been alot of talk on radio and TV regarding the impending end of the series Friends. It is amusing I'll give it that. However, I was listening to Z-100 the other day. No I'm not proud of that fact, anyway, the DJ Elvis Duran said, and don't remember it exactly, but it was something to the effect of how the last 10 years of Friends has changed our lives. Are you kidding me? If people's lives are being altered by a bunch of actors portraying self-indulgent, picture perfect, coffee house dwellers than people are way more than hurting for something to be a part of. They are reaching and grasping for anything. I hope for poor Elvis Duran's sake that he was hyperbolizing for the sake of radio.

Okay, so I am new to the whole postmodern conversation, journey, or whatever you want to call it. In taking part in the conversation or at least reading, listening and studying it, I have definitely been challenged and grown. Have I moved any closer to Christ as a result, I don't know. There are alot of really cranky Christ followers out there who appear to spend alot of time contemplating their spiritual navels. Don't get me wrong I am all for discussion, but discussion for the sake of hearing yourself speak is just arrogant.

I know Christ railed against the religous institutions of the day but it was for the sake of change, for the sake of his bride. He was never mean-spirited or hurtful in his indictment of organized religions. From my readings on sites like the ooze, which by the way, is one of the links on this blog, there are alot of people out there who are just plain bitter. Maybe they have a right to be. But while they are trying "to be church in their given contexts," they may be doing more harm to the name of Christ then the modern church they are beating down. If I didn't know Christ and overheard or read some of the ongoing conversation, I would be like "I don't need that kind of infighting it sounds just like any other corporation or organization." I don't want to paint with brush strokes that are too broad, because there are people who, in the spirit of humility and love are trying to make sure the bride of Christ is everything the she was intended to be. From my very cursory reading people like Andrew Jones.

I did not intend to get off on a mini-rant. I will continue to observe this ongoing conversation and maybe even participate once and a while. If all the energy that appears to be out there were focused in the direction of building up the church instead of tearing it down, that would be something to talk about.

Still brutally cold, could hit -45 with the wind chill tonight.
Gail and the boys are leaving for the long weekend tomorrow. I am looking forward to some time alone. Some time to be still. I am at the same time gonna miss Gail terribly. Everything that I have to do this weekend I have been thinking about in terms of her not being there to do it with, or tell her about it after it happens, or to just fall asleep with her at the end of the day. It will be a good couple of days but also maybe a little hard.

What a technically frustrating day. It sounds almost cliche but in addition to being the youth pastor at our place I am also the "pastor of stuff." We are exploring a new presentation software to replace Powerpoint. I downloaded a demo of something called Sunday Plus and it loaded onto my laptop fine but it kept hanging up on the PC we use in our worship space. The guys at their help desk said "try to reinstall it or maybe it was a bad download." Argh!!!
Anyway, recently the terms seeker and believer have been elevated on my radar screen and not in a good way. They smack of division and when spoken they sound incredibly condescending. Neither characteristic is something we are or aspire as a community of faith. I raised the issue with my Sr. Pastor. And he was in agreement, that came as a large relief. Not because he is some big ogre, quite the contrary is one of the best bosses I 've had in the marketplace or ministry. I guess because they are the words he chose and put on paper to help define what we are all about. His attitude surrounding change is admirable. So how do you change 10 years of culture? I'm not sure yet but I'm glad we are going to give it try.

I used to live in fear that my life would end up like Dave Matthew's song Ant's Marching or the Opening scene of Joe vs the volcano. Get up, drag myself to work, suffer through day after inane day, end up 57 years old, carrying a salesman bag, sitting at the bar of a Chili's restauraunt. I left that world behind almost 3 years ago to answer the call to full time Ministry. I thought it was a re-definition of my reality that would keep me from being an ant marching in the dreariness of a flourescent lit cubice. Three years later I am having to do something else to redefine my reality. But this time I think I figured it out. I need to stop trying to define my reality and let God define it for me. In letting go of that control, I have found incredible freedom. For example, my definition of the reality worth living was sleeping until I woke up; (not that a 5 year old and 2 year old ever let you do that) not being a slave to an alarm clock. What God had for me was not only the alarm clock but setting it earlier than I ever have. Why? To connect with Him, to take seriously the call to give the first hour of my day to Him.

What a freakin' day! Gail was sick and the boys were on a mission to push me over the edge. Needless to say I didn't get much work done. And I am completely wiped out.

I did manage to finish McManus' Uprising: A revolution of the Soul, today. It was challenging to say the least. I am making a push to have it become our Leadership manual at Crossroads. Its all about making the pursuit of character a priority and a life long journey.

Still getting through Len Sweet's Post-Modern Pilgrims. It came highly recommended, so far so good.

A friend performed at a coffeehouse last night at the Huntington Street Cafe. They called the night "music of faith." It was really fairly cool to hear spiritual music, music that lifted up the name of Christ in a setting like this particular pub. It was their first try at it and it seems to have real potential. As my friend sat on his stool bookended by hand drawn pictures of Neil Young and Carlos Santana, and sang Third Day Songs and songs of his own composition I couldn't help but be excited about the future of the "music of faith" night and how God might use it.

I saw an old acquaintance from high school there. She ran amongst the popular elite of our class. I nodded and smiled to her across the room. I never did go over to say 'what have you been up to since high school?' or anything else clever like that. And as I thought about it on the way home, I realized I am still intimidated by her. I don't know who she is now, or what she does now. It's like I was back in the cafeteria at high school.

I recently read something by Erwin McManus that said "Pride is the determination to be seen as bigger than we are." I was concerned that this old high school acquaintance see me as something bigger than I am. I am incredibly prideful.

Utter and complete transformation. This is what I desire. Transformation to what?

In my office sit two, still yet to be hung beautifully framed Movie Posters. On the left of an imitation wood file cabinet sits a depiction of Russell Crowe as Maximus, in Gladiator; with the words "What we do in life echoes in eternity" lifting the picture off the page. On the Right, Mel Gibson's William Wallace advertising Braveheart, with the quote " Every man dies, but not every man really lives," the words drawing your attention to hilt of his Scottish Claymore in the bottom left portion of the picture

Do I want to be Gladiator or Braveheart? No. But those images, those words... that is the transformation I desire.

Is it possible? I believe..so. Can I turn over enough of my life to Jesus Christ to let it happen, I don't know. I hope and pray so.